BLOG

Every woman has a picture of how the birth of her baby will be. She will have drawn this from many different sources: her own previous experience (if she has any), the things she has heard and been told, reading, films and tv.

Her picture of the birth will have led her to have certain expectations and to make certain assumptions about the birth. Depending on how reliable her information has been, these expectations and assumptions may be more or less realistic. But however realistic they are, the actual experience will inevitably be quite different from how she imagined it.

The best preparation for birth (or any experience, for that matter) is to understand what is happening to us, to be willing to adapt to the different situations that may arise and to know how best to respond. If we don’t recognise what we are feeling or the things that are happening to us, this is only likely to increase our anxiety and apprehension.

If things change, she will need to let go of her original plans and intentions and make new decisions according to the altered situation. If she is too wedded to a particular course of action, an unexpected change of circumstances may mean that she (or her partner, who may be determined to stick to the original plan come what may) will get into unnecessary confrontation, leading to disappointment.

Tips and tricks

• Find out what experience, knowledge and expectations she has - ideally this should be done right at the beginning of care, but if it has not already been done discussing it with her on admission in labour will help you both.

• Explain what your role is - she may not be clear what a midwife does, and even if she thinks she knows what you do, her experience may be from a different system or culture.

• Make an appointment to see her after the birth - to reflect with her on what happened, and how she felt about events. Did she understand all of it? What does she remember most vividly? Be aware that she may have not liked something you or your colleague did or said. Try not to be offended or upset, but learn from this.

Further reading

Lavender T, Walkinshaw SA, Walton I (1999) A prospective study of women’s views of factors contributing to a positive birth experience Midwifery 15 (1): 40-46

Raphael Leff J (1993) Pregnancy: The Inside Story, Sheldon Press, London